Take My Pants. Please.

Well I’m hanging in there.

As some of you know I’ve been battling a sinus infection for the last few weeks. Not fun.

My primary symptom was exhaustion. That meant going to work then crashing on the couch when I got home, having dinner, then off to slumber-ville.  That leaves precious little time to have a life, let me tell you. I also got a nose bleed for the first time in my adult life. Fun times!

So you speak to a doctor and get a few prescriptions and they kick your butt as much as the infection they are fighting does. I have an antibiotic that is just a nightmare to take. When they say take it with food, they mean it. Of course when you have to take it twice a day taking it with food is all but impossible when you are following MF. That pill hasn’t got the news and does not consider ANY of the MF meals “food”. They mean FOOD.

But I’ve found my solution in having some non-fat greek yogurt (or kefir) for breakfast and that buffers the pill quite nicely.

The same pill also make me extremely photosensitive which means I have to stay out of the sun….in Hawaii. HELLO! So swimming has been somewhat curtailed because I cannot be in that water in the sun for an hour. I guess that is good though because I can’t help but think my swimming contributed (caused?) to my infection in the first place. But you know what? Breathing is good. I like air. So there is no way I will be able to swim with those darned nose clips. Nope. Ain’t gonna happen. So fingers crossed it isn’t as big a culprit as I suspect. I really want to swim after work today so I am praying for heavy cloud cover. LOL. So I’m getting better but I still want to get into bed at 8pm. Bleh.

I do have a NSV that I wanted to share.

I work with a guy we’ll call Mr. T. Mr. T is a very nice man who looks like he stepped out of a 1970’s Hawaii Travel Bureau brochure. He’s at least 6’4” maybe 6”6”, thin, with a head full of neatly combed grey hair that he keeps kind of long…kind of the “dry look hence the 70’s aura. He always sports a deep Hawaiian George Hamilton tan, and is fortunate enough to have that laid back “hang loose” type of personality that makes it all work for him. He’s a great schmoozer by trade and a great schmoozer by nature.

So many of us were devastated by the news last year that Mr. T was battling cancer. He told each of us in his own time how serious it was and asked us each personally if we would pray for him and send good thoughts his way. His treatment was rough but he never let it get him down. He came to work much more than I thought he would and he was always pulled together and had a smile for you. He occasionally looked tired but otherwise if you didn’t know his condition you might never have known he was fighting for his life. Pretty classy.

It kept me in check I’ll tell you that. You are feeling miserable because you want to eat a taco…and then there is Mr. T. I saw my “misery” was nothing compared to his and suddenly wanting a taco (or whatever) became a pretty easy burden to carry.

My work has me split between two offices and because of some special projects I really hadn’t seen Mr. T in quite a few months. He knew I was losing weight and would always make a comment of some kind when we did cross paths.

Yesterday I got to talk to him for the first time in a while and he wanted to talk weight; but in a twist, not mine, his.

He told me that his whole life he was a 38” waist. I was shocked. His height sure hid that well. I would have guessed 30” or 32”.

When he got sick his treatments were so brutal he couldn’t stop dropping weight. He lost over 20 pounds and his doctor told him to eat as many calories as he possibly could. He had carte blanche to eat whatever and to eat however much of anything he could stand. He said he enjoyed that freedom. Gorging himself on his favorite foods. But even with chowing down he still lost the weight and dropped to a 36” waist.

Happily the treatments were successful. His cancer went into remission, the treatments stopped and his health was returning. Unfortunately, he confessed, he was having a real problem with suddenly watching what he ate. He can’t stop. So since his lowest weight he had put on over 40 pounds. God bless him, he still looks the same to me!

But with that 40 pounds also came his new size 40 waist. At this point he tried to pootch out his belly to prove how fat he is and all I could do was laugh. Fat never looked so thin!

So now he has a closet filled with multiple sizes of clothing and some of the smaller sizes have hardly ever been worn.

“Brah”, he says to me, “so I have a whole bunch of size 36 pants that are pretty much brand new. Now that you are slim and trim I thought maybe you’d like to take them off my hands. My gift to you.”

I don’t have to tell you I simply beamed when I thanked him for thinking of me but those pants would be far too big for me. I did mention that I did still have some fat pants that I’d be happy to send his way but I’d be afraid that the length might only reach his knees.

He laughed and said, “Did you ever think you and I would have a conversation about trading pants?!”
“Never in my wildest dreams”, I confessed.

(originally published July 30, 2009)

The Joys of Broccoli

Last week was kind of awesome. I felt great. Had some amazing workouts. I even stayed 100% OP through yet another niece’s birthday party. But life, as probably should be expected, can still throw a curveball.

A week ago I knew I had a root canal scheduled. Hopefully this would be my last big dental procedure before wrapping everything up and going to a normal person’s schedule of seeing the dentist twice a year for cleaning.

So I scheduled my workout day off for that day and had the procedure. It went remarkably smoothly, giving me issues for only a few days so I was able to get right back swimming the next day. Yay!

The celebration was short lived as the tooth decided enough is enough and split open while having dinner. Bleh. Happily the tooth was salvagable but not without a few pounding headaches, soft foods, prescription meds, and lots of naps.

Then, like I said, the subsequent week went great. I added in some more protein at lunchtime and was really having great workouts. Then came a another bump in the road: another family party. A planned bump, but a bump nonetheless.

Just a few weeks ago was a party, and Grandma (on the Korean side of the family) cooked up a little storm. I made the choice to enjoy the day and the food; I love her version of long rice. I enjoyed myself but was also quite mindful of the carbs and fats that were everywhere in the meal. Definitely a celebratory indulgence, not a design for everyday eating. Well at least not anymore. This was the food that made me fat.

So here it was just a few weeks later and we’d be repeating the same trek out to the BIL/SIL’s house and would be confronted with the same food.

Once in a while it is special and worth a diversion. Every few weeks, not so special any more. I decided I wouldn’t go off plan for the party but would simply bring myself something to eat. While at Whole Foods I spied a nice little bento of grilled tofu with rice and steamed mixed veggies. Using my MF ingenuity, I took out the rice and replaced it with spring mix, broccoli, and a wonderful fennel/onion salad dressed with the lightest orange vinaigrette. Wonderful stuff!

I honestly didn’t think much about it. Bringing my own food I mean. Everyone is well familiar with my success on MF, so I just did not expect my food to be an issue. WRONG.

I think I insulted everyone!

As they piled their plates with two kinds of fried noodles, roasted sweet potatoes,  kalbi ribs, teriyaki chicken, rice, shepherd’s pie (for gosh sakes!), fried spring rolls and crispy gau gee….got my little bento and quietly started eating.

Well I thought it was quietly. I could’ve stood on the table and blown a trumpet and drawn less attention. I ate all that food the last time, what is wrong with it now?!

Other than saying I was trying to “watch my carbs” I offered no further explanation.

My MIL tried to ease the tension by reassuring me to “stay strong”. I assured her I would, and that I would be just as stuffed as everyone else when all was said and done. LOL.

I also got a little reassurance from one of the tiny attendees at the party. A little girl named “Ione”. She was probably no more than 7 years old and seemed to be the only one at the party who had more than a fleeting interest in green vegetables.

I was sitting near the counter where the obligatory Costco veggie platter had been placed. It was an amazingly good tray this time out with fresh peppers and black olives and cauliflower and broccoli and cherry tomatoes….all in addition to the usual carrots and celery.

Every so often I’d feel a “tap, tap, tap” on my shoulder and Ione would be there asking for another plate full of veggies. As she told me what assortment she would like this time around, I made her plate and we discussed the joys of broccoli and the fact that she just didn’t like raw peppers. She was curious to know if I liked raw veggies when I was a kid and I told her aside from the occasional carrot stick, Moms generally didn’t give raw veggies to their kids when I was little.

As she wandered off to the lanai to tuck into her latest helping she casually answered back, “That’s too bad because vegetables are delicious and I just love them.”

Out of the mouths of babes…..

(originally published July 21, 2009)

It is to Laugh

Alright guys, I am in a wacky mood.

It is one of those “I am so tired I hurt” kinda weeks, and now as is often the case when I am ultra tired I cross over into the Valley of the Ultra Silly.

I made the mistake of venturing over to the discussion boards for something to read over my lunch break and as often I do, I saw some pretty silly things.

The posts are littered with folks who seemingly have no idea what MF is, how to use it, what the plan is, let alone human physiology or biology.

I always thought you had to BUY the MF program to get on this sight but I guess I’m wrong. If I am not, an awful lot of folks are dropping several hundred bucks on a diet they know nothing about.

I just see people surfing the web, seeing the MF site and handing over their credit card number: I don’t know what it is but it sure looks good!

Seriously. What is up with that?

All too often I see peoples’ comments that lead me to believe that they think the MF packets are magical. Some folks apparently think that they eat the MF meals IN ADDITION to their normal diet.

I eat all the meals and I am gaining weight still!

Well that would be because you used the shakes to wash down a bucket of chicken.

And yes I know it is called a “shake” but you do not add ice cream!

Probably the most chuckle worthy posts go to nutritional support.

There is a reason we, the general public, cannot answer these posts.

99% of our answers to them would be, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FRAKKING MIND?

LOL.

I always get a kick out of people who suddenly seemed concerned because they have gas!

Really?? You never had gas before? EVER?

Or the runs?

You are an overweight American adult who has never had gas nor diarrhea? Well God bless! And no, farting is not a medical emergency (although on MF it can sure smell like one!)

The silliest question I saw today still has me laughing.

I even spit out some of my Cinnamon Roll Crunch bar!

The title of the post just cracks me up: “Help with my Chicken.”

I’m cracking up just typing that.

“Dear Ann Landers, My chicken has not been herself and I need help. Help with my chicken.”

Told ya I was in a silly mood!

The questioner wants to know if they can use Shake and Bake on their chicken because otherwise it’s dry.

Sigh.

I think I know why NS takes so long to answer some of these because they must be in stitches! You KNOW at times they just want to say things like, “Yes. Smear the chicken with mayo first and leave on the skin.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am delighted that this person had the inspiration to run the recipe by NS, but OMG come on!

Am I being too harsh?

I don’t mean to be.

We are all in the same boat together but success in MF requires a lot of participation from the dieter. How could you not know Shake ‘n Bake is just seasoned bread crumbs and bread crumbs are bread and bread is not allowed? Well I’m glad they asked.

Anyhoo, I’m just curious what silly stories my fellow MF’rs had to tell.

I’d love to hear the ones that stuck with you.

So dish people.

(originally published July 8, 2009)

One Year Down. The Rest of my Life to Go.

One year ago at approximately 8am, I stood in my kitchen tearing open the envelope of a MF shake. I don’t recall what flavor it was, probably chocolate. That wasn’t the first time I had done that but it was still far from easy.

I was recommitting to MF after a very successful run followed by an equally meteoric weight gain. The gain was no fault of MF. It was all my fault. Through a series of misfortunes while on the program the first time, I allowed myself to be deluded into thinking that I was somehow DESTINED to be fat. I had been so most of my life. Most people in my family had weight issues. And so it would be with me.

Never mind that I lost 100 pounds on MF. I simply gave up. I was getting to be sick more often than I was well, and several personal tragedies just piled on top of that. The universe obviously wanted me to be fat so I would be happy to oblige.

Eighty pounds later the stupidity of it all finally dawned on me and I KNEW I needed to grow up, stop feeling sorry myself, and tackle this issue that was keeping me from living the life I wanted once and for all.

I also knew that MF was the one and only answer. It had worked for me like no other diet or eating plan had done before.

And so I recommitted.

I ordered it up and let the box of food languish in my utility room for a few weeks while I tried to muster the gumption to really begin again. I had done the VIP autoship so time was of the essence! That second shipment of food was coming in 28 days come hell or high water, so I knew I had to get my act together before many very expensive boxes of food started piling up. And so I picked the date.

I’d start on July 7^th, allowing me to have one last free for all for the July 4^th weekend.

As I’ve written before, that first month was hellish. I thought I’d get used to MF in about a week like I did the first time. I was wrong.

I was so miserable. I was tired, achy, hungry, self loathing, self pitying…..one giant 300+ pound ball of mess. I didn’t have any of the energy I had the first go round, I had a head ache pretty much all the time, and I was just flat out miserable.  I knew MF worked but I had no idea why it was so much more difficult for me the second time. I was losing weight just fine, I just didn’t care.

I promised myself I would tough out the month. That was easier than thinking about the huge task of losing all that weight I had on me.

Thankfully, I got great support from friends, family and you guys.

As I entered my 3^rd week I wanted to start some exercise. I still had little hopes of me sticking with MF beyond the one month mark and I just wanted to start some physical exercise that could carry over into where ever my dieting was headed to next.

I didn’t know what to do and my size limited me from doing much without killing myself. I had an old callisthenic routine I did when I was in physical therapy and decided that was as good a place as any to start.

So I began to work out and the miracle happened.

That first 20 minute workout did it. Twenty minutes that changed my world. It flipped the switch I needed flipped. Endorphins started to flow and so did that fabled energy. I was back baby! I was working MF and MF was working for me.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Looking back I was so naïve.

I thought I was starting a diet that had an end at some point. I honestly thought I would only need to “do” MF for maybe 6 months max.

Now I see how ignorant that way of thinking was.

This isn’t something to start and stop.

This is a lifelong lifestyle change. Seriously.

I have changed in so many ways I don’t think I could even recount half of them.

I’ve tried to think of some little nugget of wisdom I could pass along to anyone struggling out there. I really do think of myself as an old pro at this point.

What kernel of wisdom could I share that would be of help?

These journeys are so personal, what could I say that would connect with the most people.

And then as it often does, the answer came from that “little voice” I have come to rely on so heavily as time goes by.

And so I say to you what it said to me:

“BE NOT AFRAID.”

Simple, sweet and true.

Don’t be afraid to start.  Don’t be afraid to commit. Don’t be afraid to open up. Don’t be afraid to be hungry. Don’t be afraid of discipline. Don’t be afraid to be selfish. Don’t be afraid of temptation. Don’t be afraid of cravings. Don’t be afraid of looking like an ass. Don’t be afraid of giving yourself a day off. Don’t be afraid of sweating. Don’t be afraid of showing compassion. Don’t be afraid of your weakness. Don’t be afraid of going off plan. Don’t be afraid of staying on plan. Don’t be afraid of being human.

Embrace this one and only life you are living. Don’t put off life and your living it for one more second.

Most importantly; be not afraid.

(originally published July 7, 2009)

The Best Laid Plans

I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday weekend…those that had one. I know not everyone got an extra day off on Friday which is just a big jip if you ask me.

Mine didn’t go exactly as planned, but hey, no regrets here.

At first I planned on making July 4^th a free day. Eating BBQ, making my much requested Sangria, and just enjoying the summer vibe.

That changed when I learned of a niece-in-law’s birthday party scheduled for that day. I decided there would be nothing special about the birthday food and I would just stay on plan. No big whoop. Those get-togethers generally have the usual pans of noodles, teriyaki, rice, and the ever present Costco sheet cake. Food I once ate with abandon but quite frankly not “special” enough to tempt me to eat off plan.

All that changed when I got there and found that most of the food was not catered from a generic diner but homemade by the matriarch of the Korean side of the family.

As some of you know, after losing over 130 pounds (with some to go) I have been trying to learn how to navigate the wild world of food out there. I follow the 5+1 or 4+2 plan most of the time, but if there is a special occasion or special circumstances I allow myself to eat off plan. This was gonna be one of those times. Heck, the woman even makes her own kimchee, of course I was gonna have some!

I won’t tempt you all with a run down of the culinary delights but the fish and the Korean long rice were the stars for me.

I am such an old pro on this program I can actually feel my body switching out of ketosis…somewhere through the second helping of long rice I believe. The good news is I did get up and out every morning and swam: 2.3 miles don’t ya know and I am back 100% OP.

But let me tell you; food IS fuel. I had some great workouts this weekend with energy to spare. After swimming on Saturday I washed and detailed the car, went to the party, and then later that evening walked to the fireworks; a little jaunt of over a mile. And instead of being completely wiped out Sunday morning, I got up and got right back in the pool. It was awesome. I love those great workouts.

Hopefully all of that will help when I get on the scale tomorrow.

Ahhh, tomorrow.

My 1 year anniversary with MF.

Where does the time go?

Wherever that is, I’m glad it took some fat with it when it left.

(originally published July 6, 2009)

Constant Craving

We on MF are fond of saying that our “tastes change” while on the program and they do.

That soup you gag on during your first week you find yourself chugging without issue a month later.

Back in the day when I wasn’t doing all crunch bars, the Cappuccino was my arch nemesis. It tasted nothing like cappuccino let alone coffee. It was sweet and bitter at the same time. It was absolutely revolting but it came in the money saving variety pack so I tried dealing with it by adding flavor drops and syrups galore. Then one day, several months into the plan it tasted pretty good on its own. Amazing.

Almost a year into the program and my tastes are still modulating. Most days I tuck into my beloved crunch bars and they are delicious. But there are some times I eat them and all I taste is vitamins. I’m assuming it is my problem and not a problem with Medifast quality control which we all know to be impeccable (!) but on the whole I just love them.

My tastes have changed with other foods too. I can’t explain it; I just know it is a fact. Several things that I never particularly liked or couldn’t eat at all are now things I constantly crave in my diet.

Item number one is cinnamon. Cinnamon for Pete’s sake. Yes I am a fat guy who really never cared for cinnamon. It smelled good but I could take or leave it. I enjoyed coffee cake I suppose, but never was a fan of the Cinnabon. Now, however, that spice is right there on my counter….the giant Costco bottle of Saigon Cinnamon….and I shake it into whatever I think I can get away with. I love it in my coffee and the few times when I have a shake, it goes in there too. How strange is that?

Another new love is eggs. Yep. Hen fruit. Another thing I could take or leave. In fact sometimes if I thought a lot about eating eggs, my stomach would actually turn. I could scarf mayonnaisey egg salad and hollandaise smothered Benedict with aplomb, but omelets and fried eggs (etc) not my favorite….until now. Oh my do I love me some eggs. I even love egg beaters! LOL. One of my favorite L&Gs on weekends is a breakfast of eggs, turkey bacon and asparagus. I get the nitrate free turkey bacon from Whole Foods and have 3 strips of that with 2 fried eggs and I am in heaven. Go figure!

Black pepper is another thing. While the world was having fresh ground pepper poured on everything, I eschewed it. Bleh. Now, like cinnamon, I put it in/on anything that will take it.

And in that same vein, I know like and can eat much more spicy food than I ever could before. Personally I hate most spicey food because it has no flavor; “hot” is the flavor and I just think it is stupid. And besides, my digestion made me regret any and all consumption of such. I’m still not a fan of “hot” as a flavor, but I do find I can eat the occasional spicey food with no regrets. And that is great news because we get a lot of prepared foods from Whole Foods and they are very fond of kicking it up a notch.

And the last thing I can think of that is a new delight for me is fish. Never been a fan unless it was part of “& chips” or batter/breaded and fried fried fried.

Now I amaze myself! Passing up the succulent steak or roasted chicken and saying the words, “I’ll have the salmon”….or swordfish….or scallops….pretty cool that healthier eating has just come naturally without too much nudging on my part. But I guess eating 900 calories a day will do that for ya!

I’m wondering how many of my fellow MFrs have seen changes too?

Are there any foods that you never cared for that are now at the top of your must have list?

(originally published July 2, 2009)

Say WHAT?

Happy MF Wednesday everyone!

I hope your all of your summers are in full swing and you are as looking forward to the holiday weekend as I am. I’m one of the lucky ones, I get Friday off. Whatever your schedule, I hope you find some relaxation and summer fun!

Happily, this is one of the few (only?) holidays that feature OP food. Grilled meat or fish. Love it! Add some grilled veggies, a glass of SF lemonade and enjoy!

Of course no matter how you enjoy the weekend, there will be comments.

People can’t help themselves.

Your every move will be scrutinized be it covertly or outright in your face. You will be judged!

And you know what? I say, LET ‘EM JUDGE.

No one knows what you are going through as a dieter and most of all a MF dieter; yet pretty much everyone will have an opinion.

So now ladies and gentlemen, get ready for your least favorite game show: SAY WHAT?

We start with the lightning round!

You’re too thin.

You’re still too fat.

You need to cut lose and enjoy.

You’re diet is insane!

Your diet works, I’m impressed!

You’re going to gain back all the weight and then some.

I don’t know how you pass up all this good food!

I could NEVER eat that little!

You need to eat or you’ll die!

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

You get the idea. The comments are usually all over the map. As our bodies thin out, I think we all develop a pretty thick skin. We have to. Whether we like it or not, we tend to become the center of attention.

My dear MIL always makes a BIG to-do about how I look. I only see her every couple of months. She literally holds me at arms length and has me spin, eyeing me up and down saying things like “Wow! You look goooood!”. SHEESH. Talk about embarrassing!

Then there are the equally embarrassing (but flattering!) comments I’ve had from some female friends at work to “wear tighter pants” or “tuck in your shirt so you show off your butt”. YIKE! Yes they are friends or else I’d have quite a lawsuit!!

Those are all kind of unnerving but good comments you hear.

Then there are those that really tick you off.

One such occurrence happened the other week. There is a woman at one of my offices that is in desperate need of weight loss help. She can barely walk she is so large. I don’t know her as she works in a completely different section but her desk is near the door I enter and leave so we are in that “Hi! Good morning/night” kind of acquaintanceship. As my weight loss progressed I had hoped at some point she might be brave enough to brooch the subject. I was all set with my pro-MF spiel.

But then it happened, but not how I planned. She stopped me on the way out the other day and basically wanted to know what was “wrong” with me.

HUH?

“I don’t mean to pry, but you have lost a lot of weight so I was wondering what was wrong with you. I didn’t know you were ill.”

Coulda knocked me over with a feather!

Not how I imagined the conversation going.

The broad actually seemed disappointed when I told her I wasn’t ill!

I was ticked.

I just quickly told her the weight loss was intentional and I found it odd that she thinks I look ill now, but when I weighed over 300 lbs that somehow was healthy. Then I beat a hasty exit.

I played another round of “SAY WHAT?” a few days ago while discussing my weight loss with my SO. If you go to my page you’ll see a pic of me in a dark outfit coming out of the dressing room at Macy’s. The pic is a little blurry but you can see my silhouette. My friend snapped the pic because she said she couldn’t believe how skinny I looked.

When I saw the pic I couldn’t believe it either.

That was the first time I can honestly say it became apparent to me just what MF has done for me. But I was happy and confused at the same time.

The scale says I am still pretty heavy and I have a very high body fat content.

My BMI says that I am borderline obese but there I was wearing (comfortably) size 34 pants and medium shirt.

I can see myself that I still have pockets of fat stored all over the place, yet when I looked at that pic I actually looked skinny to myself. In fact I thought I looked almost borderline puny!

I’m thrilled that I am no longer busting out of size 48 pants and straining the buttons on my XXXL shirts but suddenly dropping another 20-40 pounds (as all the “health experts” say I should) just seemed scary. I don’t want to be a small! LOL.

So I am telling my SO this….and how I look to myself now and as to whether getting down at least to 180 is still something I should be striving for.

I guess I was expecting the old, “Whatever works for you” or “No matter what you decide is fine” or “You look great to me whatever”.

Instead I got, “Well you don’t want to stay at this unhealthy weight, do you?”

D’OH!

It is times like that; that I am thankful for the thick skin I’ve developed.

Of course I still think of how great it would have been to have a pie to mash in his face after a comment like that….but that will be our little secret.

(originally published July 1, 2009)

Five Hundred Eleven Thousand Two Hundred Minutes

It sure has been a while since I’ve blogged. So many new, hopeful people around here! All eager and apprehensive….can I do this? Will it work? It wasn’t so long ago I was right there where you are, brother and sister. In many ways I still am. Life has been a whirlwind lately. Can you believe the year is half over?? On June 25th a pair of morning disc jockies out here have what they call “LEON DAY”. That’s “noel” spelled backwards. Celebrating the halfway mark between Christmases, they spend the morning playing carols. It’s a happy, silly and somewhat wistful few hours. It was particularly poignant for me as it reminded me of my recently deceased cat of 16 years. Folks don’t believe us when we tell ‘em, but that cat LOVED Christmas. He loved the Christmas tree especially at night when the lights were on. He would lie under the tree gazing up through the branches…how I would have loved to have been able to join him. Oddly enough, he also loved Christmas music. As soon as we put some on, he would just settle down and start to doze. If the music was on for hours, he would doze for hours. We kept it on as much as possible for him. But life, as they say, goes on and LEON DAY notwithstanding, suddenly it’s summer. BBQs, sun showers, sweltering heat, and the joys of air conditioning. Another thing the summer season brings to mind for me is Medifast. Amazingly I am approaching my 1 year anniversary on July 7th. 355 days so far. 511,200 minutes. This was my second try at MF. I lost 100 pounds the first time, gained 80 something back, and now have lost over 130. If you hear people say getting started the 2nd time is more difficult than the first, it is true. That first month last July was a killer. My emotions were all over the place which just made trying to stay committed even that much more difficult. There were many reasons I gained so much weight back the first time, but my health played a huge factor. I was sick so often during my first round of MF, I couldn’t help but wonder if my diet was causing it. I literally started having to deal with serious bouts of bronchitis every few weeks. So somewhere last July, during my second week of my second try at MF, I remember sitting in my living room and sobbing. I was in my second week and I had gotten a cold. Was the cycle starting all over again? Would my dreams of being thin, once again be worthless? I was so distraught. My darling SO just sat beside me with his arm around me and let me sob. I prayed to God to give me something positive. Give me the health and strength to stay on course with MF or show me something else that would work because I was at the end of my rope. Happily I stayed OP and was better in a few days. Now here it is almost 12 months later. My MF dreams have been realized and then some. I only had one bout of bronchitis this past year that was easily dispatched with antibiotics and cough syrup. My health issues have been pretty much self inflicted this year; deciding to get some long ignored dental issues taken care of. In fact here I sit, sidelined for another weekend due to some minor dental surgery on Friday. Staying OP but zonked out on prescription pain killers and forbidden from physical exertion for 3 days. I’m trying to take it easy but unexpectedly I have become very accustomed to my daily workout. My life has changed in many other unexpected ways as well. I’ve made many, many wonderful new friends here on MF. I’ve become more outgoing, more at ease, more eager to try new things, and more willing to accept me for whom I am. So many have said I am like a new person, but I much prefer to call myself “renewed” and not “new”. I feel 30 years younger. A guy I work with came over to me once and said he had an office picture from 20 years ago and he said he couldn’t believe it, but I look “exactly” like I did 20 years ago. LOL. I may not look it but I sure feel it. Heck I feel BETTER than I did 20 years ago. But I’m not done yet. I still would like to drop another 15 pounds. Maybe more. All in good time I suppose. I’ve had many stops and starts the last few months, but the great news is that MF works every time if you let it. Prescription meds that cause you to retain water are no help in the weight loss arena but those few pounds that you gain over the weekend by allowing yourself to be taken out for drinks or dinner will be gone by the next weekend if you just get right back on plan and let nature take its course. I’m also not done in that I really feel compelled to find more ways to “give back”. I have so much to be thankful for and believe I have found an answer to a problem plaguing all too many: obesity. I feel the need to be there for anyone who themselves is seeking an answer. It is not always easy to find the time to do that or know what to say when the subject comes up, but I am a work in progress. The other evening I went to pick up a package that security had signed for. The overweight guard said that he noticed I had lost weight and that I swim a lot (3 days a week at least). I proudly said yes I had lost over 130 pounds. He dismissively said, “Oh. I’ll bet you used Jenny Craig or something” as if I had somehow took the easy way to weight loss. I corrected him and told him it was Medifast. That and exercise of course. His response kind of left me speechless. “Well if I had all the time in the world like you, I could diet and exercise and lose weight too.” All the time in the world? ME? In retrospect I want to go back and tell him, “You don’t need all the time just five hundred eleven thousand two hundred minutes.”

(originally published June 28, 2009)

No Longer Obese!

I probably won’t be near a scale on Sunday which is my usual weigh in day so I thought I’d get a read today so I don’t have to skip a week. Boy I am glad I did! I had another 1.6 pound loss since Sunday and that means….I AM NO LONGER OBESE! Yep! I am overweight! How great is that?

(originally published May 22, 2009)

I’m OK, You’re OK

I don’t know about you but boy could I use a weekend.

I am so looking forward to this three dayer coming up, I can practically taste it.

Just saying that makes me smile because I remember all too well being a MF newbie and dreading the weekends. Happily that was a passing phase.

But the last few months have not been fun. Life has been a kind of giant “in box”, and as soon as get to last thing in that box, the cosmos comes and fills it up again. I can see the “in box” is again almost empty and after losing my beloved pet and dealing with some fairly painful dental surgery and its aftermath (all in the past few weeks), I am hoping the cosmos will be out at some beach BBQ this weekend and let me at least enjoy an empty inbox for the next few days at least.

I’ve actually been fairly pleased with myself as I have handled my eating issues bouncing from chore to chore, crisis to crisis. I have been gaining a lot of confidence while dealing with “real life” in many aspects including eating and maintaining a healthy lifestyle while things around me are not so settled.

One thing I have learned (I hope permanently) is that eating only solves one issue: hunger. Eating will not solve any other problem, trauma, or circumstance.

BUT I have also learned that eating does bring comfort. Well I already knew that (all too well), but I guess one crucial thing I have learned about that is: I am ok with that.

In the days following my cat’s death, we really couldn’t stand being in the empty house so we were generally out and about. From early in the morning til well after dark; out doing something other than dwelling on our loss. Of course that “something” had to include food and it was not MF food by any stretch. And you know what? I liked it!  I enjoyed ordering whatever, or tasting whatever, and just relaxing. As always, I could find refuge in my old pals: food & drink. But just like any visitor, they lose their appeal after a few days and you can kiss them on the cheek and wave goodbye….and get back to business. And I have made my peace with all of that.

I am ok with the fact that food & drink brings me comfort and joy. They have been, and shall always be my friend. And I’m ok with that.

I am ok with the fact that most (all?) celebrations will be food centric. I am ok with the fact that half the fun of going to the movies is the popcorn, and there aren’t much better ways to spend an evening than with a group of friends eating, drinking and talking. All ok.

I have been quite successful on MF (thank God) and over the months have been very mindful of food and my relationship to it. I labored long and hard with the notion that in order to have a healthy lifestyle I needed to somehow drop that attachment I had (have) with food. I needed to treat it as fuel and not as a treat.

After all this time I finally had to admit to myself, that ain’t gonna happen.

And that’s ok. I don’t need to force myself to think other wise because there have been some crucial changes that have occurred that just make that whole issue moot.

The first and foremost change is my newfound discipline. Who knew I could actually ENJOY successfully disciplining myself? Having the discipline to exercise and eat well is an amazing accomplishment for me. When I started MF I actually wept over being in the situation of being so overweight and having to (GASP!) DEPRIVE myself. WEPT! That first month was chock full of self pity and “why me”. That seems so long ago.

Then there is my newfound love of simple, healthful foods. Whole foods.

They are what I crave now, they are what satisfy me, and they bring me much comfort and joy. For me that is huge.

Yes I still like pasta and tiramisu and wine, but now I see them for what they should be: treats. Occasional indulgences, not a regular diet. And I am happy with their new role of supporting player and not romantic lead.

What is also huge for me is not freaking out when faced with less than stellar food choices; getting lemons and making lemonade as it were. Sugar free of course!
If you know me, you know a hallmark of my weight loss journey has been the planned breaks from the 5+1. They have really been very beneficial in showing me that I can do this. I can face food and I can turn my back on it. I can successfully apply discipline to eat well and to exercise even after a relaxed day or two.

I never thought that true discipline could be found by letting go.

So as of now that is what I anticipate my remaining lifelong lifestyle will be. The preponderance being a disciplined yet totally enjoyable lifestyle of eating well and exercise….with the occasional relaxation of that discipline….living the life I envisioned those many months ago when I opened my first packet.

The next few months will be a real test of this anticipated way of life. When I looked at the calendar recently I saw many special occasions and reasons for relaxing that discipline on the horizon. Scary but I am psyched.

I won’t be dropping 4-5 pounds a week, but Lord willing I won’t be packing them on either. I’ll lose that last 20 pounds when I lose them.

I read a very short blurb in MEN’S FITNESS the other day. It was about a guy who completely turned his life around from being hugely overweight and sedentary to being completely ripped. When asked if he had any philosophy that has helped him achieve his goals, he said something to the effect that “weight loss should be a tool you use to achieve your goals and not the goal itself.” I haven’t read or heard anything recently that has made more sense or rang more true.

Have a GREAT long weekend everybody.

Mame Dennis was fond of saying, “Life is a banquet and most poor SOBs are starving to death!”

On or off plan, this is your one and only life….ENJOY….get out there and LIVE!

(originally published May 21, 2009)